"Where and How Can I Swim With Sharks?"

Ah, glad you asked. I spoke with Crazy Dave the Daredevil, who has experience: "Sure I've done it, and I have a great system. Take a boat into shark infested waters, tie a rare, bloody roast beef around your neck, and jump in. The sharks will find you." I pointed out to Dave his missing limb and the large chunk missing from his side. Dave replied, "I didn't say the system was perfect!"

Naturally, I cannot recommend this dangerous behavior to my readers, and swimming with sharks is a bad idea, but going down in a safe cage environment to observe these remarkable beasts is good, so I contacted Patrick Douglas, pioneer of West coast shark tourism and shark research, tagger of white sharks, industry leader of shark awareness and shark conservation, consultant for film, television, military, and robotics, and founder of Shark Diver (sharkdiver.com), a shark tourism travel company that introduces divers to shark species worldwide, even persons like you and me. In short, he's the real deal. So how will he help you dive with sharks?

"A decade ago, I wondered how I could bring the incredible experience of shark diving to everyone. It had to be accessible and exciting with safety as our primary concern. Our team set to work making this dream a reality, solving all problems along the way and looking at it from every different angle. We now have two state of the art diving vessels, the safest diving cages available, and a 100% safety record."

Indeed, after our hour-long conversation, I was mightily impressed. The trip is easy and comfortable. While the boats aren't cruise ships, they are nice, The rooms have comfy beds, there's a lounge with email, and fine cuisine prepared by on-board chefs. Plus there's unlimited free ice-cold beer, wine and soft drinks, all inclusive with your $3500 ticket. And don't forget the sharks:

"You don't have to be a certified diver, you just have to attend an hour class aboard the boat. We'll lower you down in a cage and you breathe through an air hose from topside, like a hookah. Understand that we don't entice sharks to attack the cage. If a shark does attempt it, we'll pull the cage up, though we've only done this once. Plus we have a share and share alike picture and video service. Everyone pools their photos and video, we take it and edit it into a DVD, which each passenger is given at the end of the trip."

Hey, count me in. Visit sharkdiver.com to learn much more than I can tell you here. You'll depart from San Diego on your week-long excursion to Isle Guadeloupe. Maybe we'll meet underwater with some of my toothy friends!